Some of the following was put together by Liz Hartline, Assistant Professor of Early Childhood Education, Honolulu Community College, for families affected by the August 2023 Maui Fires. Further information was retrieved from fact sheets and resources that have been listed and cited below. The following information is provided in order to support children and families on Maui. This information is not provided for diagnosis or treatment purposes. Please know that the following is not meant to be a comprehensive list, nor is it an endorsement of the content of the sites.

After a trauma such as living through a disaster, there may be a period of shock, immobility, confusion, grief, and depression. This is normal as our minds and bodies need time to move from survival mode to recovery mode. So if the information provided below feels like too much right now, no worries. Use what you can and feel free to come back later if/when you’re ready for more.

Below you will find videos and free downloadable books that you can watch or read with your kids to explain what happened. There’s also a video to help your kids (and you) try to relax in the midst of everything.

The idea is: 1) to give children age-appropriate information; 2) make opportunities to discuss: (a) what happened (such as when reading one of these books), (b) how they are currently feeling about things, and (c) any questions they might have; and 3) to teach and normalize feelings related to the disaster. See the “Links, Books, & Resources” section below for more resources for kids (and adults).

Just remember that your kids are tuned into you at all times–even in the best of times, but especially in the worst of times. They feel your energy and know when you’re stressed. Share with them your own thoughts and feelings about the fire and its aftermath in an age-appropriate way. Children can’t handle long discussions, so keep it short and sweet. Have different brief discussions throughout the day or week, and add in a check-in for how they are feeling in that moment.

Your child may need your help in learning how to cope with their thoughts and feelings. The best way you can teach them this is to model the coping strategies that you want them to learn. Describe to them why you’re using the coping method, how to do it, and then model it for them. For example: “I’m feeling a bit stressed right now, so I’m going to take some big, deep breaths in through my nose and release my breath slowly through my mouth. When I do this 10 times, I start to feel more relaxed.” You can invite them to do this with you, but even if they decline, you are still teaching them by doing it yourself (even when you don’t think they are watching). Repetition is key. When your child(ren) see how taking these deep breaths actually works in helping you relax, they are more likely to try it themselves.

Another example: “Johnny, it’s ok if you’re still having some thoughts and feelings about the fire.  I know I do.  I find myself feeling worried about the future and sad about what we lost.  But taking a walk outside helps me feel better.  Would you like to come with me on a walk?”  

 It is when you play with you child(ren) that they feel most connected to you. During playtime with you, the world feels OK and they feel so loved. Children use the activity of play to work through and make meaning of their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Play is how they process their thoughts and feelings and is a powerful mechanism to aid in their healing and development.

• Give your child your undivided attention (cell phones away please!).
• Let your child lead and direct the play. (I.e., they are the director and star of the play scene and you are merely an actor/co-star following their cues & direction).  
• If you don’t know what to do or say in the play scene, ask your child. (I’ll usually use a “stage whisper” where I’ll pause the play and whisper to the child “what should I do/say?” They’ll usually whisper back instructions and then we resume the play.)
• Don’t make teaching moments or force conversations during the play.  For example, if someone dies in the play scene, it’s not the time to teach your child that killing is wrong. Don’t try to bring the person back to life or ask them who it was or why they died.
• Have these play sessions a couple of times a week for 30-45 minutes, if possible.  Make this a priority. 

If your child(ren) play about the fire, death, fleeing, firetrucks, etc.—that’s healthy and normal as they try to make sense of their experiences.  If they don’t play about the fire, that’s OK too.  If after a while, you feel that their play is stuck or concerning to you, then seek out a play therapist like myself or a child therapist for support.

The core tenets of what is known as trauma-informed care are:

• Predictability – Children feel safer when they know what to expect. Make routines, even small ones, as predictable as possible, and draw your child’s attention to them. Routines don’t need to be strict, but they generally let kids know the structure of their day. If your family has been displaced, this may look like saying goodnight in the same way as you did before the fire.
• Flexibility – Trauma is very dysregulating – it makes people feel out of control. Meet children’s big feelings with empathy and flexibility.
• Connection – Children are very resilient, and the number one protective factor is connection with nurturing caregivers (even if that caregiver is not you 100% of the time). Prioritize connection with your child.
• Empowerment – A hallmark of trauma is loss of control. Give children things that they can be in charge of, or ways that they or your family together can help others.

• Provide age appropriate information about the disaster/trauma event calmly and factually.
• Avoid exposure to news footage of the fires to the greatest extent possible, in order to prevent retraumatization.
• Know when you need a break, and have a plan to take care of your own stress and mental health.
• Find child-friendly language that describes your family’s experience of the fire, and begin to tell it as a story. Share about your feelings, acknowledge your child(ren)’s feelings, and emphasize the ways that your family has been helped or is helping others. Giving language to your experience is a powerful healing tool.
• Provide opportunities to talk about the trauma, their experiences, and feelings, but do not pressure your child(ren) to do so. They may not have the language to describe it all yet (and this is where Play Therapy can be helpful). Further, identify other safe adults that your child(ren) can talk to about what happened. It takes a village.
• Create a safety plan with your family, and have your child help.
  • Create a list of telephone numbers and emergency contacts. Place the list in a location where all family members can access it
  • Decide as a family where to meet in case of another disaster
  • Put together supplies for an emergency preparedness kit
  • Safeguard personal possessions and storing them where they are protected in case of another disaster
  • Review with your children calling 9-1-1 in case of emergency
• Expect atypical/irregular behavior from your child. This may look like acting out, regression/regressive behaviors, withdrawal, clinginess, or a decrease in academic performance. Know that they are asking for your love and support.
  • If your child demonstrates regressive behaviors (like bed-wetting, baby talk, thumb-sucking, etc.) or gets lower grades in school, please don’t punish them; typically this behavior is only temporary and usually does not need intervention.
  • Further, work with your child’s school, since trauma can impact short term memory which makes test taking challenging.
• Play pretend – as much as possible – and let your child take the lead. Do not shut down play that is disturbing, as this is children’s primary way of expressing conflicting emotions.
• Be understanding of your child’s need to mourn the losses and provide reassurance that their feelings are normal (even if they are scary, sad, confusing, etc.). Remind them that they are safe, loved, they have a safety plan in place, and if they are ever separated from a caregiver, ask a neighbor or someone nearby to use their phone to dial 9-1-1.
• Create simple, achievable goals for yourself and your child(ren). This can look like 1 small goal for the day (for example, waking up before noon, spending 15 minutes reading a book, drawing a picture, making a card for a special person, thinking of 1 thing you’re grateful for) and also a couple of bigger goals for the week/month. Remember: a journey of a 1,000 miles starts with a single step (even if it is just a baby step). Bedtime is a great time to share about progress or barriers towards achieving the goals and problem-solving how to overcome obstacles.
• Involve children in chores that make them feel they are helping to restore their family and/or community.
• Create routines (for work/chores, play, meals, and rest). If possible maintain the same pre-disaster/trauma routines.
• Consult with a school counselor or therapist should you be worried about behavior (especially risky behavior).

When kids go through tough things like disasters or really upsetting events, they might have different feelings and thoughts. If they have to leave their home or where they usually live, be away from their community and friends, and especially if they can’t be with their mom or dad for a while, it can make them feel even more worried. During these times, parents and other grown-ups who care about the child are super important. They know the child the best and can help with whatever feelings the child is showing.

• Startle response to sudden and loud noises
• Stomach aches, headaches, etc.
• Freezing-sudden immobility of the body
• Heightened arousal
• Cognitive confusion
• Bed wetting, loss of age appropriate verbal skills and motor function, and/or other regressive symptoms
• Sleep problems
• Anxiety
• Fear
• Lack of usual responses
• Clinging to caregiver/separation fear 
• Crying
• Repeated play of the disaster/trauma event

• Behaving like a younger child (regression)
• Anger and aggression
• Worrying about safety
• Sleep problems
• Loss of interest of usual activities
• Stomach aches, headaches, etc.
• Clinging to caregiver/separation fear
• Concentration problems
• School performance and attendance problems (this is a temporary situation)
• General worries
• Anxiety
• Closely observing parent(s) anxiety
• Fear
• Preoccupation with safety and danger

• Another disaster will happen
• Someone will die or has died
• They will be separated from the rest of their family
• They will be left behind all alone

• Not listening or responding quickly to their caretaker in response to the disaster
• That they weren’t able to contact or save a loved one or a pet
• Crying, complaining, or minimizing the disaster while it was occuring
• Not saving items that are important to them (such as a beloved teddy bear) or to others (such as family heirlooms or their sibling’s favorite blanket)
• Not being able to help

Taking care of others may be your main focus right now, but you deserve as much attention and care with regards to your own mental health and needs. Remember: if you go down, your whole ohana goes down too. If your kids see that you’re stressed (of course you’re stressed!) but doing OK, it helps them to feel safe and secure.

• Sadness
• Depression
• Hopelessness
• Withdrawal
• Heightened arousal and startle response
• Self destructive behaviors such as self harm, substance abuse, risk taking, etc.
• Suicidal ideation
• Anxiety
• Frustration
• Anger
• Aggression
• Concentration problems/short-term memory problems
• Sleeping problems
• Over-eating or under-eating
• Headache, stomach aches, etc.
• Mood swings
• Crying easily
• Reluctance to leave home
• Decline in work performance
• Overprotective behaviors regarding children and dependent family members

• Talk with another grown up about their feelings
• Use existing support systems
• Get adequate rest and sleep
• Eat balanced meals
• Maintain normal routines
• Stay active, move around
• Stay connected with family and friends
• Maintain normal household routines when possible or establish new routines
• Do things that promote good health, e.g. exercise, relax, do something fun, etc.
• Seek professional help if talking with others does not seem to help